Why Is Water Wet?

Water is wet because the wetter, the better. In other words, "Viscosity." This is not to be confused with the city of the Visigoths who ended up ransacking the countryside and pillaging the poor villagers, and yes, the Village People, too.

Why is water wet? Water is wet so that the fish and other ocean, lake and river creatures can move through it with fluent ease. Friction is not your friend when you are trying to move. We need to be able to drink. We need for boats not to sink. We need for our plumbing to work. This is why water is wet.

But, really, why is water wet? Water is wet because our sensations say it is so. We feel wetness. We get out of a pool and we are dripping, uh, you know. We take a shower and we're, um, you know again.

The question of why is water wet cannot be answered with regular science methodology, but can be answered in Zen Physics. Water is wet because this is the nature of water. The nature of rock is to be hard. The nature of grass is to be green. The nature of water is to be wet. To take away from its true nature is to destroy what is and thus water is not water anymore. It may be ice, but it surely is not water. Water begets wetness. Wetness begets slipperiness. Slipperiness begets falling. Falling begets a long and painful hospital stay.