Why Does the Wind Blow?

Wind blows because of clouds. Clouds are big, gaseous blobs of churning air whose sole function is to make and break wind, not unlike the results of serving Mexican food at an all-male nursing home. The leading edge of a cloud front is known as the blowing edge. The trailing edge is known as the sucking edge.

Clouds suck up air from the sucking edge and blow it out their blowing edge like giant Hoover vacuum cleaners. The puffy white cotton candy part of the clouds is the filtration system, which is why parts of some clouds are dark while some other clouds are entirely black and gray. It is time to clean those clouds.

In severe weather fronts, tornadoes may form on the sucking edge while gale force winds may be felt on the blowing edge. Air needs to move around the Earth otherwise we will have stagnation, drought and smog that will not go away. It's a good thing we have clouds to move the air around like giant leaf blowers, otherwise we would be stuck breathing in our own filth and flatulence day after day.